A real estate rewrite

Original
Tenant represents to Landlord that no toxic or hazardous substances or wastes, pollutants or contaminants (including, without limitation, any hazardous substance as defined in the Comprehensive Environmental Response, Compensation and Liability Act of 1980, 42 U.S.C. 9601-9657, as amended ("CERCLA") (collectively, "Environmental Pollutants"), other than customary office supplies and cleaning supplies stored and handled within the Premises in accordance with all applicable laws, will be generated, treated, stored, released or disposed of, or otherwise placed, deposited in or located on the Property.

82 words per sentence (a single sentence of 82 words) with a Flesch readability score of 0 and a Flesch-Kincaid grade level of 42.

Revised
The Tenant promises not to generate, treat, store, or release any of these anywhere on the Property:

Toxic substances or waste
Hazardous substances or waste
Pollutants
Contaminants

This list includes hazardous substances as defined in the Comprehensive Environmental Response, Compensation and Liability Act of 1980 (CERCLA). But the Tenant can handle and store customary office supplies and cleaning supplies on the Property as long as the Tenant follows all relevant laws.

22 words per sentence with a Flesch score of 25 and a grade level of 15.

 

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Comments

  • 9/12/2008 3:39 PM Tony Petro wrote:
    A punctuation question: the way the reformatted list reads, there's no terminal period separating the first sentence from the second. Just throwing one down after the last list element seems awkward, though. What to do?
    Reply to this
  • 9/15/2008 7:55 PM Wayne Schiess wrote:
    I've used a very "plain English," informal convention for this list. I like it. But in a real regulation, you should probably make the list look like this:

    1. text,
    2. text,
    3. text, and
    4. text.
    Reply to this
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