Parsing the "transportation product liability" text, example 1

This and several following posts parse and critique the "transportation product liability" text posted here.

1. As an attorney focused on transportation product liability cases for the last 20 years, there have been several recurring defense theories and themes by the manufacturer that have been consistent and predictable. 

a. This sentence contains a dangling modifier. The dependent, introductory clause modifies the first noun that follows it ("there"). Of course, this makes no sense because the modifying clause is supposed to modify the attorney. So it is said to dangle. What makes this dangler especially glaring is that it actually contains the noun, "attorney," that it is intended to modify.

For example, many danglers look like this:
  • Focusing on transportation product liability cases for the last 20 years, there have been . . .
This is a classic dangler because the noun to be modified is not in the sentence at all. This dangler begins with a present participle and is therefore often called a "dangling participle."

Thus, example 1 is all the more glaring because it seems that any writer could see that the introductory modifying clause must be followed by a reference to the "attorney," perhaps "I."

Suggestion:
  • As an attorney focused on transportation product liability cases for the last 20 years, I have seen several . . .  
b. This sentence unwisely omits a verb in its second half.
  • theories and themes by the manufacturer
Hard to give a name to this problem, but as I speak English, it is sloppy to say "there are theories by the manufacturer." We need a verb.

Suggestion:
  • theories and themes raised by the manufacturer
c. I think "manufacturer" should be plural because the sense of the sentence is that all or many manufacturers raise these theories and themes. And now omit "the.

Suggestion:
  • theories and themes raised by manufacturers
d. Now, of course, we confront the passive voice (with an understood "be" verb):
  • I have seen several themes and theories [that have been] raised by manufacturers
We may decide to keep the passive voice here when we later try to connect sentences and concepts. But for now, let's be active.

Suggestion:
  • I have seen manufacturers raise several recurring defense theories and themes consistently and predictably.
e. We have the words "recurring" and "consistently." For me, there's enough overlap to cut one.

Full and final suggestion:
  • As an attorney focused on transportation product liability cases for the last 20 years, I have seen manufacturers raise several defense theories and themes consistently and predictably.

Enough for now.

_____________
Wayne Schiess
Director of Legal Writing | The University of Texas School of Law | Website | Seminars | Articles | Books: Preparing Legal Documents Nonlawyers Can Read and Understand | Better Legal Writing | Writing for the Legal Audience | The Legal Memo: A Basic Guide
 

Posted by Wayne Schiess at 3/11/2009 10:52 AM
Categories: Improvement,Grammar and Punctuation
 

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