Parsing the "transportation product liability" text, example 2

Original text posted here.

2. One of the most prevalent defenses at trial is compliance with FMVSS (Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standards.) FMVSS are . . .

2a. When you cut this sentence down to bare concepts, it says that "the defense is compliance." That's terse and awkward.

Suggestion:
  • One of the most prevalent defenses at trial is that the vehicle complies with FMVSS (Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standards.)
2b. Most legal writers would first give the full name and then the initials:
  • complies with Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standards (FMVSS).
(And yes, the period should go outside the parentheses.) I'll ignore this variation from the standard convention for defining and instead point out that FMVSS is an unpronounceable, distracting set of initials. Don't use it.

Suggestion:
  • One of the most prevalent defenses at trial is that the vehicle complies with the Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standards. The Standards are . . .


Wayne Schiess
Director of Legal Writing | The University of Texas School of Law | Website | Seminars | Articles | Books: Preparing Legal Documents Nonlawyers Can Read and Understand | Better Legal Writing | Writing for the Legal Audience | The Legal Memo: A Basic Guide
 

Posted by Wayne Schiess at 3/27/2009 8:00 AM
Categories: Improvement,Law Practice
 

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