Parsing the "transportation product liability" text, example 6

Original text posted here.

6. Now, Toyota, Nissan and Honda routinely conduct rollover testing. GM recently built a new rollover test facility. This then begs the question - why not make rollover testing mandatory so that all vehicle manufacturers insure occupant protection during a rollover?

6a. I prefer the full complement of serial commas for that opening series—and so does every legal-writing style guide.

Suggestion:
  • Now, Toyota, Nissan, and Honda routinely conduct rollover testing.
6b. For the second sentence, we should hyphenate the phrasal adjective "rollover test."

Suggestion:
  • GM recently built a new rollover-test facility.
6c. For the third sentence, let's change "begs" to "raises." The phrase "beg the question" should refer to circular reasoning. Let's use the correct dash, let's cut the underlining for emphasis, and let's change "insure" to "ensure." (I also cut an unnecessary "that.")

Suggestion:
  • This then raises the question—why not make rollover testing mandatory, so all vehicle manufacturers ensure occupant protection during a rollover?


Wayne Schiess
Director of Legal Writing | The University of Texas School of Law | Website | Seminars | Articles | Books: Preparing Legal Documents Nonlawyers Can Read and Understand | Better Legal Writing | Writing for the Legal Audience | The Legal Memo: A Basic Guide
 

Posted by Wayne Schiess at 3/27/2009 7:48 AM
Categories: Improvement,Law Practice
 

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